This feels scary.

I’ve been single for a long time now. Too long. I’m starting to forget what it ever felt like to be in a relationship, what it felt like to always have someone to call and make plans with. This feeling that someone needed you more than they needed anyone else. 

I feel like I’m experiencing some kind of amnesia. I’m forgetting how I ever was with someone. It doesn’t feel real to me. Was I ever someone’s person? I honestly don’t remember. As corny and Miss Dependent as it sounds, there’s something inside of you that is kept alive when you’re in love with someone. It’s a vital part of who you are; you need to be able to give all your love to someone. You need to feel wanted. It’s as important as drinking water or getting oxygen. We were built to love and when you don’t have a partner, you feel totally incomplete. This goes beyond the feeling of shame you get when you’re alone. It’s more of a biological need.

I’m forgetting more and more each day. I’m forgetting how to compromise with someone, how to structure my life around someone else. I mean, it’s not like I ever really did that anyway. I’ve always been someone who’s needed their alone time and done their own thing. But I do like this idea of being a team and working together. You spend too much time alone and you forget how to do that. You forget how to be with someone other than yourself.

I forget what it’s like to feel safe, like if I slipped and died in my apartment, there would be someone looking for me within the day. I forget what it’s like to deal with other people’s families, of awkward blending during the holidays. I forget the excitement you feel when their birthday is coming up and wanting something so perfect for them. You would do pretty much anything to see them smile. I forget The Future with capital letters and having something tangible to look forward to. I forget what it’s like to love someone when they’re at their most unlovable. Forget. Forget. Forgotten.

*Disclaimer: Took this from Thought catalog. It feel scary to read this. It describes something I am totally scared about. and I am at the verge of forgetting everything. And I don't feel safe.